Leave of absence

SO...it's been approximately twelve thousand years since i have updated this blog. I actually even forgot about it, but luckily...i use the same email and password for everything. seriously...everything. good thing it's a weird password combination--good luck hackers! :)

last night i downloaded some elvis presley music. i was feeling very nostalgic because my quiet time asked questions about my grandparents, and the positives and negatives that they may add to my life. My dad's dad---Big Pop---passed away from AlzHeimer's in December of 2010. He sang Love Me Tender almost every time i saw that man. i miss him more than words can say.

that being said, thinking about the positives and negatives about each grandparent-whether living or passed-really got me questioning a few things about myself. well, i guess questioning would be the wrong word...maybe wondering would be better. y'all probably have zero idea about what in the world i'm talking about, so here are a few examples:

maternal grandfather:

• positives: Loving, Godly, Friendly, Talkative
• negatives: a thing I like to call "Not-my-fault" syndrome, can be selfish

maternal grandmother:

• positives: Godly, thoughtful, kind, loving
• negatives: short temper, gets irritated quickly, forgetful

paternal grandfather:

• positives: Godly, teacher, accepting, nonjudgemental, laid back, positive, encouraging
• negatives: liked to argue sometimes 

paternal grandmother:

• positives: Accepting, loving, talkative, social butterfly, friendly
• negative: smoked, curses, gossip queen

After I wrote those things down, I looked at my own personality. Many of these qualities can be seen in me, both positive and negative. Then I began to wonder whether or not these qualities are concrete. I thought about it some more, prayed about it, and felt like the answer was that although my family members have been this way for a combined total of over three-hundred years, my life does not have to equal these words. While there are many aspects of my grandparents personalities that I am happy to have gotten (from genetics?), there are some negatives that I'm also working on getting rid of each day. The only absolute way to rid myself of them is through God. That's it. There is no other way.

My personal relationship with God has been quite rocky over the past few years, and I can only blame it on myself and my own personal choices. I have an awful habit of thinking that I know what's best for my life, as most people do. It's a constant, daily battle with myself, fighting to do my quiet times, pray as often as I can, and just give thanks to the One who allows me to be tested in ways like this. 

I have many favorite "personality" aspects of God, and one of them is that He knows exactly what is going on. He knows the tests and trials I go through each day, and He knows that I'm able to fight on, and come out as a victor at the other end. He absolutely would not put you in a situation that He knew you couldn't handle. God made each of us very unique, and made sure that we were all strong in our own ways. I'm still trying to understand what my exact strength is, and will probably be trying to figure that out for the rest of my life...but that is one of the great things about Christianity...my life will never be over! On Earth...yes, one day I will pass away, but my soul will live on forever in Heaven with the unknown strength that I possess.