i've decided that before i debrief my entire summer, i'm going to write down some of my quiet time entries so that i can sort of grasp anything i've learned!...if that even makes any sense whatsoever!
so, over the summer, we had a quiet time every morning, well, most mornings. i really wish i would have kept this journal throughout the entire summer, but no need in changing the past! i was going through a lot this summer. i had no idea where on earth i would be attending school after the fall semester, i really needed some sort of break from my life back home, and i didn't know how i was going to manage all of those things at one time. of course, me being me--selfish and self centered--i tried to do everything on my own without ever once asking God for help. how ignorant can a person get? imagine the highest level of ignorance...there you go. i was right above that level you just imagined. so i finally got into the swing of writing down my thoughts and prayers, and sometimes concerns, throughout the last few weeks of camp.
--july 29, 2010--
i'll be honest...today, i read daniel 10, and really had a hard time getting into it. my mind was thinking about a few conversations that i had the night before with a few girls in katie's church group. we were sitting outside of the nibble nook at ridgecrest, and i walked over to a few of the girls who were sitting furthest away from katie and the precious girl she was talking to. i met a new friend that night named montana. we got into this conversation about self image, and how self conscious people can be. one of her friends told me that she thought she was fat, and immediately i thought 'yes! finally a story i can relate to.' i explained to her that when i was her age and in middle school, i had the biggest self confidence issues of anyone that i had ever known. i used to think horribly about myself, and i used to really believe the boys who always joked on me were right about the things they called me and said about me. you know middle school boys, if a girl isn't twenty pounds, she's immediately fat. i kept on with the story, telling her that i know that i'm not weird or fat in the ways that they had mentioned when we were young, and i truly believe that now that i'm older.
yesterday, ana was saying how God puts us in certain situations that we don't understand at that particular time so that we can eventually use it and relate it back to Him one day. It's awesome how you're put in those situations just to be able to relate and help someone else. It was so rewarding to sort through things that she had trouble with and just to kind of help her out and tell her that she looks and is exactly how God wants her to be.
[prayer for the day---emotional stability as our team begins the split this weekend]
--july 31, 2010--
i finished reading daniel today. i didn't feel spiritually full after reading it, so i flipped over to 2 samuel. i chose that book because yesterday, my kids in bible study were asking more questions about mephibosheth, who we had nicknamed flying monkey for the day, so i wanted to research more about him. they kept on asking 'well, what about monkey's mom?' i couldn't give them an answer right then, so this morning i looked for any information i could find on his mom. however, i couldn't find anything about her, so that's what i'll have to tell the campers!
i have to say, i love writing my prayers in here for me to come back to and read over. i love seeing how God has answered my prayers over certain amounts of time. i can already tell that my emotional stability has started to set in. thursday night was really hard, but by friday there was definitely a change in emotions. i knew that God was telling me things were going to be okay, even though some of our ck1 family had to leave. God definitely answered my prayer.
[prayers for the day---to be able to finish out the summer stronger than when we first started camp...to have more intentional conversations and that i'll be able to make sense and get through to campers...dylan and jamie]
--august 3, 2010--
dylan has seriously touched my heart, now and forever. that little boy has had so much to go through in his life, and he's only ten years old. i found out that he was born with fetal alcohol syndrome. as if that wasn't already terrible, i also found out that he was abused when he was younger, both physically and sexually. i know for certain that God has placed dylan in my bible study, and also in my life for a reason. i feel that through all of this, God was trying to teach me one of two things through dylan:
1. i need to continue working with lifeway & centrikid so that i'm able to reach more kids who may have the same problems as dylan. they won't always get the love and attention that children deserve, and i'm here able to give it to them for the few days they're with me. they also may not have the opportunity back home to learn about God, and i'm so very blessed to have the opportunity to share the gospel with these kids with serious issues in their lives.
OR
2. i need to become a neonatal nurse to help children who were born with fetal alcohol syndrome, or any other birth defect so that they may live long enough to hear the word of God.
God has taught me so many things this weekend through dylan and his sister jamie, and He's broken my heart for kids like these two. they're so underprivileged and so unappreciated, yet they're the most joyful, loving kids i'd ever met. with a little bit of love and encouragement, we all should be able to live our lives like jamie and dylan do every day. i'm just thankful to have been given the opportunity to invest in kids lives this summer, whether they had special needs or not.
[prayer for the day---help my heart be open to doing anything YOU want me to do with my life. help me be okay with the path that you've set out for me in life. help me be patient and help me know and feel that whatever You want will be what's best for me]
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after writing out all those entries, i feel like i've just relived the last few days and two cycles of camp for the summer of 2010. i'll debrief the entire summer on another day...
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